People always think something's all true.
People never notice anything
I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful.
If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera.
It's terrible.
What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours
and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.
People never believe you
When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something.
Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go.
All morons hate it when you call them a moron.
Almost every time somebody gives me a present, it ends up making me sad.
In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw.
Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are.
I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away.
Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass.
I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact.
I'm a goddam minor
Ernie's a big fat colored guy that plays the piano.
He's a terrific snob and he won't hardly even talk to you unless you're a big shot or a celebrity or something,
but he can really play the piano. He's so good, he's almost corny, in fact.
I don't exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.
I certainly like to hear him play, but sometimes you feel like turning the goddam piano over.
I think it's because sometimes when he plays, he sounds like the kind of guy that won't talk to you unless you're a big shot.
I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met.
If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible.
Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoyed the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth.
They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head.
All they did was keep letting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples.
If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all,
that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard.
I felt like jumping out the window.
I probably would've, too, if I'd been sure somebody'd cover me up as soon as I landed.
I didn't want a bunch of stupid rubbernecks looking at me when I was all gory.
Catholics are always trying to find out if you're Catholic
Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented.
If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.
It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody
I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it
It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road.
Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.
Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."
Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules
He started telling us how he was never ashamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down on his knees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God - talk to Him and all - whenever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving in his car. That killed me. I can just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and asking Jesus to send him a few more stiffs.
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat
People always clap for the wrong things.
"Promise me you'll let your hair grow. Crew cuts are getting corny. And your hair's so lovely."Lovely my ass.
People never give your message to anybody.
If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world. It's impossible.
That's the nice thing about carrousels, they always play the same songs
Janis Caufield
People never notice anything
I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful.
If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera.
It's terrible.
What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours
and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.
People never believe you
When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something.
Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go.
All morons hate it when you call them a moron.
Almost every time somebody gives me a present, it ends up making me sad.
In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw.
Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are.
I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away.
Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass.
I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact.
I'm a goddam minor
Ernie's a big fat colored guy that plays the piano.
He's a terrific snob and he won't hardly even talk to you unless you're a big shot or a celebrity or something,
but he can really play the piano. He's so good, he's almost corny, in fact.
I don't exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.
I certainly like to hear him play, but sometimes you feel like turning the goddam piano over.
I think it's because sometimes when he plays, he sounds like the kind of guy that won't talk to you unless you're a big shot.
I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met.
If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible.
Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoyed the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth.
They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head.
All they did was keep letting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples.
If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all,
that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard.
I felt like jumping out the window.
I probably would've, too, if I'd been sure somebody'd cover me up as soon as I landed.
I didn't want a bunch of stupid rubbernecks looking at me when I was all gory.
Catholics are always trying to find out if you're Catholic
Anyway, I'm sort of glad they've got the atomic bomb invented.
If there's ever another war, I'm going to sit right the hell on top of it. I'll volunteer for it, I swear to God I will.
It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody
I don't even know what I was running for - I guess I just felt like it
It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road.
Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.
Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."
Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rules
He started telling us how he was never ashamed, when he was in some kind of trouble or something, to get right down on his knees and pray to God. He told us we should always pray to God - talk to Him and all - whenever we were. He told us we ought to think of Jesus as our buddy and all. He said he talked to Jesus all the time. Even when he was driving in his car. That killed me. I can just see the big phony bastard shifting into first gear and asking Jesus to send him a few more stiffs.
Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat
People always clap for the wrong things.
"Promise me you'll let your hair grow. Crew cuts are getting corny. And your hair's so lovely."Lovely my ass.
People never give your message to anybody.
If you had a million years to do it in, you couldn't rub out even half the 'Fuck you' signs in the world. It's impossible.
That's the nice thing about carrousels, they always play the same songs
Janis Caufield
En honor a Salinger y a Holden Caufield
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